Meandering Mind

Written on July 23, 2011

Today Misha turns 3 months old. Abhi, Mish and I went out for a little drive – just around home. On the way we stopped to have some icecream. Well that’s all we did today but it was so special. Nothing happened, no words spoken, just felt the warmth and the comfort of a family. I felt compete. I felt special. I felt blessed. When I got married, never thought that I would be happy with a day like this. Me, someone who always needed friends, parties and happening people around was actually happy with a smally faimly outing!!!

 
Right now, maybe I don’t have a great career (I should have been promoted this year but I’m not), I’m not travelling and cant see  I would travel in the future, but even then. I have a good life. A simple thing like a drive and icecream was as satisfying as a vacation.

 
Just remembered the words in the movie Zindagi na milegi dobara “chahat ke do pal bhi mil payein, duniya mein ye bhi kam hai kya”. There is just so much more to life that materialistc things and chasing dreams coz everyone seems to be doing so. Its nice to pause it for a while and live and cherish all that you have.
Nothing else, but such is my life!

It’s your story…

Dedicated to all the wonderful people I’ve met through my life. Thanks for being an important part of me…Memories stored forever!

Contrary to popular belief, I write Hindi too!

———————–

Aap ke saath hum kuch lamhe bita saake
Yeh kush nassiebie hamaari

Aap ka haath thaam ke do kadaam chale
Yehi zindagi hamaari

Hum aap ko kuch dene ke kaabil nahin
Yeh bebazi hamaari

Aap ko phool ka zakham bhi na aa sake
Yehi dua hai hamaari

Like the sweet scent of spring
You splash mystical hues in my life
Like the gentle breeze across the moors
You softly caress this maiden naive

Like the warmth of the sun kissed earth
And the of beauty of the summer time blues
You fill my heart with the heat of your love
And my mind with sunny hues

Like the freshness of teenage woods
And the calmness of mirrored autumn lakes
You leave behind the red and yellow carpet -
The leaf-ves of memories which I rake

Like the fleet of silver blue ice
Which the earth very elegantly wears
You drown me in your frosty breath
And make me celebrate the crystal air

As and when time passes by
I realize you are my Mouth Full of Sky

Have a hard look at me. You see me everywhere – on the road, in the garbage, across the neighborhood park. Most often than not, you ignore me; strangely enough you still are aware of my presence. I don’t look good, but then I don’t care. After all its you guys who came up with the universal truth of ‘Beauty is only skin deep’. I have a pure heart which has been wounded, a million times, but I still love life and I’ll live it till the last drop. Yes, I am the Common Street Dog.

Just like you, my life too has been a rollercoaster. The only difference is that you don’t understand that I have a life too. Like you, I have my set of friends. Like you, I feel hungry too. Like you, I crave for attention. By nature I’m loyal. That’s what you say of our species, but it will be proven only when you given me a chance. I would be the best friend you’ve ever had. I’ll laugh with you and Ill wipe your tears. I’ll stand by you and, if needed, I’ll lay my life for you.

Many of my friends do find love in your world. But most of us are despised. People are scared of us. What they don’t understand that is, it is us who are more scared of them. You never know who teases you, throws stones at you or who crumples your ego. Well ego is a wrong word; I would call it Self Esteem. Ain’t I entitled for that too? But I’ve learnt to live without it. I still try to maximize the little joys of life. A pat from a stranger, an extra piece of bread, sunny lazy afternoons, naps on the garbage heaps – they give me way more happiness than perhaps what your money could bring to you.

There is one complain I have though. Like you, even we have the right to life. Even we are created by the same hand that created you. Even we love our near and dear ones. Even we feel pain. Tell me, is it human to run over us on streets with a reason of over speeding? An excuse of missing your office or meetings causes us our lives. Isn’t that dear to us too? I agree that many a times we’ve wandered on the road, but this surely could be limited if you are cautious as well.

You believe in statistics right. Let me tell you – more than 20 of my fellow mates are killed on a daily basis due to over speeding vehicles in Bangalore city alone. They are hit by vehicles and then the drivers carry on with their daily errand after that saying “Oh that’s just a dog” or “Sigh…these dogs”. Well, the least that you could do is stop for a moment and show some genuine concern over the life lost.

I see these losses of life around me. I grieve. My heart cries out to every death. My eyes swell up. I try to share and help the wounded as much as I can. Sometimes I sit along with them waiting for their last breath. Sometimes, that’s all that I can do. All of this has made me EMOTIONLESS. I too lost my little one like that. But none of you commiserate with me. After all, none of you even regard me as a Mother. For you, I’m just another ugly Common Street Dog.

This was an article that I had written for CNN IBN on Feb 04, 2010. Its special as I got an appreciation mail from Mr. Rajdeep Sardesai (editor in chief IBN Network) on this.

The politics which I now call ‘guttar politics’.

Shocked, disappointed, angry – I’m still wondering if we live in a civilized society. When the Constitution of India clearly states that it is every Indian’s birth right to move across states, why do some fellows in Maharashtra take law into their own hands. “Mumbai for Maharashtrians”, they scream. So what next – are we expecting fragmented pieces of India? Are you telling me that the next generation would need a visa to move across the country?

Mumbai is every Indian’s dream destination. It represents every aspect of India – the slums, the stock markets, the rich and the famous, Bollywood. All of this deeply embedded into the Mumbai culture.

The strange part though is that the common man doesn’t feel secure here. Beating up of people on basis of castes, ‘appeals’ made in barbarian manner and attacks on celebrities – where does it leave us. What however is commendable is Shahrukh Khan’s courage to stand up for himself. But even more astounding is the fact that none of the Bollywood celebrities have come forward to support him. Like Martin Lurther King once said “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends”. The film industry is a family – how many times have we heard this? But alas, we all know it never was!

Being a part of a civilized society, etiquette is expected from you. Targeting people on the basis of their caste is irrational. ‘Mumbai does not belong to an Italian mummy’! How ridiculous does this sound? And why doesn’t the Congress do something to oppose this. Yes, we are all aware of the vote bank politics. But doesn’t someone here have a conscience? I’m sure we could do lots if we together – policemen, politicians, journalists, Bollywood and the common man stand up against the ‘Gunda Raj’. Don’t forget, a few decades ago the entire country had overthrown the British Raj; test our patience too much and we would overthrow the Gunda Raj.

And the world would watch…

Yah, I know I was busy. Actually was lost in the regular melee of life. Work, projects, assignments, trainings, friends, family, sleeping, exercising etc. All of which took my entire time. Or bad time management I should say.

Lately I’ve been doing some thinking. A month of my life just got over without doing anything great. I mean, it was not a bad month, but I didn’t do anything significant as well. Will I remember this month alteast for the next one year. I don’t think so.

Life is just moving on. Without realizing I celebrate my birthday one year after the other, and soon it would be over. Ill be 50…60…70… it’s the end. What have I done in this life? When I die will people remember me? Have I left my legacy in this world? No. Nothing. My existence seems like a sheer waste of time.
People who are reading this, please do let me know what I should do? What can I do to make my life more meaningful? Is it only me who goes through this phase? Or do I have a companion????

350 views in 3 months is not bad at all….. When I begun, I thought only I would be reading my own blog. But guess I am not doing too bad on this front.

But why dont people really comment???? I have no idea whoz visited my blog. Come on, its ‘manners’ to leave a comment when you visit someone’s blog!!!

In the last one month I took the Myers and Briggs Personality Test twice. One of the components in judging personalities in this tool is the assessment of an individual’s extrovert of introvert nature. And contrary to my belief, I’ve been termed an extrovert both the times I’ve taken it!!!

I always thought I was an introvert. As in, I do have lots of friends, I do love meeting people, but I love the time alone or the “me time” a lot more. I love the cab ride to office and back coz that’s the time I don’t really talk to people, I just reflect and introspect on my entire day and about life in general. I gain a lot of strength by myself, just when left alone. I do have lots of friends, but they are carefully chosen and handpicked my me – the rest are merely acquaintances.

To prove my point – right now, I am alone at home; Abhishek is out for the whole day. Here alone, I just love the time I have. Am listening to my favorite music on the FM, lazing around the house, doing absolutely nothing and have no plans whatsoever for the entire day. I don’t feel like picking up the phone and speaking to anyone. Don’t even feel like going to mom’s place, which is barely a kilometer from where I am.

True, I can have small talks with absolutely anyone. In parties I enjoy myself, can have a good time with almost anyone around me, but I don’t always need people lift my sagging spirits. Iam really happy by myself and would actually die of suffocation if I don’t get my space.

So visibly, I am an introvert, but can tend towards extrovertism without too much of effort from my end. But there are a few myths about introverts that I’d like to break

• A introvert is shy or anti-social or under confident: In reality, all introverts like socializing as much, its just that they prefer their friends and not the entire world
• All introverts are boring, if not they are arrogant: I don’t think so, they just really keep to themselves and don’t interfere or bother people unless required
• Introverts are loners: You can take my example to prove this statement wrong. Iam an introvert with loads of friends, but again, each of these relationships are well chosen by me. Its just quality over quantity.

Its really not that being either an extrovert or introvert is an advantage. These are just personality types and there is no harm in being who you are, instead of imbibing something you’re not.

Kids have wired fascinations for little things in life which is why I think they are really cute. When Sanu and me were little, we used to love going to this place called Shiv Sagar, a run of the mill restaurant chain in the city.

Reason: We loved the way “Pav Bhaji Uncle” made his delicacy in front of our eyes. His daily job was nothing less than a spectacle to us.

Pav Bhaji Uncle would first neatly slice all the vegetables in front of us. He was a maestro with it. The knife would very swiftly cut all the vegetables at one go in a neat, uniformed, sliced manner. We matched him to Super Man cutting vegetables, and inferred that all ladies really needed more improvement.

All these vegetables were then neatly kept on his large, hot “tawa”. He would then take a bit of all of these, mix them up with some masalas and cook them for a while. While the two of us watched him with utmost attention, he seemed to be more and more engrossed in his work giving us an impression that this was the hardest thing to do in the world.

Next came the pavs – our favorite. He would smear loads of butter on the tawa and place the pavs on them. Occasionally, much to our amazement, he would throw the pav up in the air and with some bit of juggling poke it with his knife and cook it again. He would then put this cooked pav bhaji in plates for his customers to eat, tossed with a spoon of butter. And at the end of it we would clap. For us a marvel was created.

So amazing was his drill to me that for a long time I wanted to be a “pav bhaji maker” when I grow up. We would fight with our parents to take us to him and pav bhaji was the only thing we ate for years. He too would pamper us in his sweet way by giving us a piece of butter. And we were so happy….lost in our small and innocent world, truly considering him our Super Man.