Meandering Mind

Yah, I know I was busy. Actually was lost in the regular melee of life. Work, projects, assignments, trainings, friends, family, sleeping, exercising etc. All of which took my entire time. Or bad time management I should say.

Lately I’ve been doing some thinking. A month of my life just got over without doing anything great. I mean, it was not a bad month, but I didn’t do anything significant as well. Will I remember this month alteast for the next one year. I don’t think so.

Life is just moving on. Without realizing I celebrate my birthday one year after the other, and soon it would be over. Ill be 50…60…70… it’s the end. What have I done in this life? When I die will people remember me? Have I left my legacy in this world? No. Nothing. My existence seems like a sheer waste of time.
People who are reading this, please do let me know what I should do? What can I do to make my life more meaningful? Is it only me who goes through this phase? Or do I have a companion????

350 views in 3 months is not bad at all….. When I begun, I thought only I would be reading my own blog. But guess I am not doing too bad on this front.

But why dont people really comment???? I have no idea whoz visited my blog. Come on, its ‘manners’ to leave a comment when you visit someone’s blog!!!

In the last one month I took the Myers and Briggs Personality Test twice. One of the components in judging personalities in this tool is the assessment of an individual’s extrovert of introvert nature. And contrary to my belief, I’ve been termed an extrovert both the times I’ve taken it!!!

I always thought I was an introvert. As in, I do have lots of friends, I do love meeting people, but I love the time alone or the “me time” a lot more. I love the cab ride to office and back coz that’s the time I don’t really talk to people, I just reflect and introspect on my entire day and about life in general. I gain a lot of strength by myself, just when left alone. I do have lots of friends, but they are carefully chosen and handpicked my me – the rest are merely acquaintances.

To prove my point – right now, I am alone at home; Abhishek is out for the whole day. Here alone, I just love the time I have. Am listening to my favorite music on the FM, lazing around the house, doing absolutely nothing and have no plans whatsoever for the entire day. I don’t feel like picking up the phone and speaking to anyone. Don’t even feel like going to mom’s place, which is barely a kilometer from where I am.

True, I can have small talks with absolutely anyone. In parties I enjoy myself, can have a good time with almost anyone around me, but I don’t always need people lift my sagging spirits. Iam really happy by myself and would actually die of suffocation if I don’t get my space.

So visibly, I am an introvert, but can tend towards extrovertism without too much of effort from my end. But there are a few myths about introverts that I’d like to break

• A introvert is shy or anti-social or under confident: In reality, all introverts like socializing as much, its just that they prefer their friends and not the entire world
• All introverts are boring, if not they are arrogant: I don’t think so, they just really keep to themselves and don’t interfere or bother people unless required
• Introverts are loners: You can take my example to prove this statement wrong. Iam an introvert with loads of friends, but again, each of these relationships are well chosen by me. Its just quality over quantity.

Its really not that being either an extrovert or introvert is an advantage. These are just personality types and there is no harm in being who you are, instead of imbibing something you’re not.

MBA days were truly the best days of my life. Case studies, presentations, exams, attendance, debates, sleepless nights – all coupled with fun, frolic, friends, masti, excitement, discoveries, learnings and everything I could have thought of. Added to it were the best set of friends I have ever made. They were almost family. As a gang we stood up for each other through all times. It was almost a dream set of people in my life. Really always felt God had blessed me with such special people in my life.

But now we are all dispersing. It almost feels like a lovely family doesn’t stay together anymore. Heck! Life’s like that! You never know where your destiny takes you. And we all dance to life’s tunes. For a little extra money, for the experience of a new country, for something more materialistic – we all leave so much behind.

True, an end is always a new beginning, but then, why are ends so painful. Dunno why you just cant afford to let go of some people in your life. I know we’ll all be there – just the same, its just the physical distance that’s going to separate us, but then in most cases these distances make you forget the other person. Maybe…just maybe… years later we’ll all be so engrossed in our lives that we wont have time for each other. Maybe, I am just being too pessimistic, but……….

I know I’ll be fine soon. I know I’ll have newer people and newer beginnings too. But I also know that this period with my MBA friends was special. So so very special that I have no words to describe it.

Kids have wired fascinations for little things in life which is why I think they are really cute. When Sanu and me were little, we used to love going to this place called Shiv Sagar, a run of the mill restaurant chain in the city.

Reason: We loved the way “Pav Bhaji Uncle” made his delicacy in front of our eyes. His daily job was nothing less than a spectacle to us.

Pav Bhaji Uncle would first neatly slice all the vegetables in front of us. He was a maestro with it. The knife would very swiftly cut all the vegetables at one go in a neat, uniformed, sliced manner. We matched him to Super Man cutting vegetables, and inferred that all ladies really needed more improvement.

All these vegetables were then neatly kept on his large, hot “tawa”. He would then take a bit of all of these, mix them up with some masalas and cook them for a while. While the two of us watched him with utmost attention, he seemed to be more and more engrossed in his work giving us an impression that this was the hardest thing to do in the world.

Next came the pavs – our favorite. He would smear loads of butter on the tawa and place the pavs on them. Occasionally, much to our amazement, he would throw the pav up in the air and with some bit of juggling poke it with his knife and cook it again. He would then put this cooked pav bhaji in plates for his customers to eat, tossed with a spoon of butter. And at the end of it we would clap. For us a marvel was created.

So amazing was his drill to me that for a long time I wanted to be a “pav bhaji maker” when I grow up. We would fight with our parents to take us to him and pav bhaji was the only thing we ate for years. He too would pamper us in his sweet way by giving us a piece of butter. And we were so happy….lost in our small and innocent world, truly considering him our Super Man.

State of Mind – Great. At Peace. Heavenly. Relaxed. Composed. Satisfied.

Reason – Don’t really know.

Actually maybe I know. Today I was with a set of people to whom I got introduced three days ago. Met them at a training program at work. Three days back we were complete strangers to each other. Didn’t really know how, but we suddenly got so close that it seemed like we know each other for ages.

Today I did something that I had never done earlier. I really opened up to them. I am generally a cautious person and am in complete control of what I speak. But today I just let go – and it was awesome. It really wasn’t me speaking, but the others too sharing their personal moments of their life.

We laughed sooooooo much together too. Together, made the training a lot more fun, truly one of the most memorable times of my life.

Never really realized that hanging out with strangers can be so much fun. Thanks Anuj, Varsha and Rabin for your company. Will definitely remember these days with a big smile on my face.

“One could not count the moons that shimmer on her roofs,

or the thousand splendid suns that hide behind her walls” 

Yes. It finally happened. Other than a Chetan Bhagat, I read a whole book and completely enjoyed it.

A Thousand Splendid Suns- Have no words to explain this absolutely “splendid” book. Again, this book was given to me by Sanu who said that I would surely love it. Don’t know what made her think of it that way (does she really know me that well?), but anyways, she was right. This book is amazing. Think of it, I read this book the entire weekend, I actually sacrificed my sleep for it! Wow! It must mean something.

The book is about the trials and tribulations of women in Afganistan. Their upbringing, marriage, Taliban, restrictions, everything. Hell! There is so much in this world that we are unaware of! There are women in Afganistan who are reduced to mere puppets in the hands of their good-for-nothing husbands, all in the name of religion. It almost feels like a sin to be born a woman in the rule of the Taliban.

What really struck me was the bravery and chivalry Afgan women exhibit. And there is so much we take for granted. Our freedom for one. We can walk about the streets freely, love anyone, have our opinions, eat, live and almost die the way we want to. But what if this disappears from our life? We would be reduced to nothing but dust. Living a hundrend deaths a day. Wouldn’t want to say this, but I actually had tears in my eyes reading this book.

The book is sure to melt even the toughest  hearts and my advice to everyone who has suffered a personal loss in the recent past to refrain from reading this book, it would make you cry even more. But again I strongly recommend it to the very same people because the story stands tall and teaches you to endure the greatest of your personal sufferings, no matter how paramount the loss might be. It did to me.

It’s a book you should certainly read to understand why some societies have to change, even if it means that traditional rituals are to be broken!

Rakshan is my friend from my MBA days. Smart, intelligent, loyal and an excellent orator. Special mention – An excellent orator! Her general knowledge is commendable. During the MBA days when all of us would wile away our free time, if we got any, Rakshan would be seen in a library with a pile of books and magazines updating herself with the current happenings of the world. And in class she would churn out impressive statistics about everything under the sun leaving all of us bewildered and in awe.

Our friendship has grown over time. We’ve seen each other through the thick and thin of our lives and are the usual “friends forever” types. Life’s changed after college though with both of us being completely involved in our respective jobs. While she is the marketing champ for Vodafone, I am the … Forget it!

What I love about us is the conversations we have. Unlike the conversations I have with my other gal pals, Raks and I talk about current affairs, politics, environment, ideas, management, business, philosophy, religion etc. Our conversations are finally put to an end with an honest SWOT analysis of each other. We really enjoy these tete-a-tetes; it’s some kind of mental fodder to the brain. It is so much more relaxing than regular talks about each others work and relationships!

Some people are special. Plain, simple – special. Rakshan is one of them. Come back after a long tiring day and finally there is someone you can vent it out on. Talk about different things the world has to offer, hear different perspectives, debate, argue, appreciate, condole and go back feeling refreshed. Thank God for friends, they just make this world a much better place.

PS: Rakshan and I have been planning to start a new venture soon. Insha Allah that should work too.

Most of us have grown up with stories of divine angels, warm fairies, dreamlands and fantasies of actual chocolate houses existing!!! Well, I was no different … just that my castles in the sky actually came alive.

I was around seven years old when, in my summer holidays, I went to Kolkatta (Calcutta then) to stay with my grandparents. I went there all alone, used to spend the entire day with my granny who pampered me tremendously (God bless her soul). For me these summer holidays were such a delight, but the pleasure just lasted for a short while. Soon I started missing home, especially my ma, considering the fact that it was the first time that I was away from her.

One evening, I started to create a ruckus – I was adamant that I was going to go back home, back to Bangalore. My grands tried their luck to convince me, to cajole me, but alas! I was too cranky for that. That night they just quietly gave in to me and put me to sleep.

The next morning, I woke up to one of the best mornings of my life. My bed was surrounded with chocolates, teddy’s, games, flowers, toys and everything else that I loved. Next to my pillow was a little note that said “To a lovely angel, from an angel”. I screamed in delight. I probably would have been the happiest seven year told then. I soon called my grands and asked them why they did this and to my surprise they answered, “We didn’t do anything, an angel came and gave this for you”.

And yes! I did believe that an angel gave it. It was then explained to me that the “angel” left it because I was being a strong girl and staying away from home. Angels watch you and when they think you’ve been a good girl, they reward you too.

This incident made me completely believe in the goodness of life. I believed in the white fairies hovering in the deep blue skies, in beautiful worlds where everyone is happy. I believed in pure innocence. And this stuck along with me for quite a while.

Today when I look back, I really like to thank them for such a lovely surprise. It had completely changed the way I looked at things. It made me do a lot more “good deeds” coz I knew angels were watching me.

On a broader horizon, may be we all can do this to a child. May be we all owe it to them. We need to make them believe in the purity of life, so that they have a beautiful childhood and then a clean future.

I have a confession. I am so so lazy. Seriously, all that I can ever think of is lying down, dreaming or sleeping. I know it’s a normal thing, everyone feels lazy but really feel I’ve crossed the limit.

Its so strange that on weekends when my friends are always planning different things, I am always trying to figure out what is the maximum sleep I can get. Before the weekend starts, I actually have an approximate number of hours that I can sleep, and I seem to enjoy this activity more than anything else. It does not end here. I love lazing around the house. I absolutely love doing nothing.

My ideal Sunday starts with waking up late, a lethargic brunch, a bit of cleaning and exercising before going back to sleep again. By the time I get up its 4:00 in the evening. And then I keep wondering why the weekend went away so easily. Of course the regular movies, catching up with family and friends, playing some sport etc do happen over the weekend, but I’ve never looked forward to them like the way I look forward to sleep.

Even at work, when we are a little easy for a couple of hours, my friends think of long breaks or foosball or hanging out at CCD, but all I think of is where can I go to sleep. I once took an afternoon nap in my car at the UB City Parking lot too. I loved it soooooo much. Afternoon naps are like power naps. Even if you have only 15 mins of it, you are super charged.

I long to go back to mums place always coz that’s the only place you can sleep without any disturbance Whenever I go there, I snuggle into my cosy red quilt and soon doze off. This does not go too well with mom though and I really have got blasted contributing significantly to my embarrassing moments list.

I can sleep very easily. I can sleep anywhere and at anytime. Some people tell me I am lucky, and I say “touchwood”. After all a sound sleep reflects a content mind.